Dog update

Another visit tonight. Despite reduced pain meds, she was just as unconscious as last night, barring three instances where raised her head slightly and opened her eyes. She was so out of it from the drugs that she didn't seem to acknowledge anything around her, and soon settled back into unconsciousness.

At that point the status was that she was still making slower progress than they'd like, but progress all the same. Then at 10pm I got a call from the on-duty vet that she'd begun deteriorating around 8pm with increased fluid in her stomach and blood seepage which they feared was in her abdomen. I'd actually noticed a brownish mucous discharge in her mouth while I was visiting and pointed it out to the vet tech; I guess that was symptomatic of her decline. They're going to try more plasma, but her chances are now back down to about 10-15%. We may lose this battle.

I've never really known what to think of the efficacy of prayer or positive thinking, but if ever there was a time to try it, now seems as good as any.

(no subject)

This morning's call from the hospital seems to confirm that it wasn't just a temporary setback, but rather a steady downhill. She's a strong girl, but I think her age is catching up to her and she's just getting tired now. I'm about to head in to make a final assessment of her condition. 99% sure I'll be going to say goodbye. Sorry girl. We gave it a hell of a fight.

If I don't post back with positive news, I'll probably need to be left alone to deal with this. I appreciate the email and such I've gotten, but I don't think I'll be able to handle phone calls for a while. Thanks everyone.

(no subject)

She was aware enough this time to recognize me, and though she was in no state to show any enthusiasm she did relax and her heart rate reduced once she was aware of me. I stayed with her a while to get my own feeling about how she was, and weighed that with the information from the vets as I comforted her. She'd started seeping fluids into her body cavities at an alarming rate, going from having spent two days making slow but steady progress to abruptly and rapidly degenerating; in just a few hours she'd suddenly gained a couple liters of fluids in her abdomen, her face and limbs were puffy, and her breathing was labored from more fluid being in her lungs. It wasn't just a random hiccup in her recovery as I'd hoped; her whole body was shutting down. She deserved every opportunity for assistance if there was any realistic hope, but it was difficult to deny that at this point it truly would just be perpetuating her stay in ICU rather than ever seeing her come home again. I wanted to just stay there with her, try and soothe her into being well. It took several attempts just to say the words that would start the proceedings.

We took her out of ICU and into an exam room to have peace away from the cacophony of the other patients. I lay down, pressed against her back like she always seemed to prefer, stroking her muzzle and rubbing her ears and telling her she's a good girl for a while before giving the OK to the vet. Two stage, a heavy dose of sedative first to make sure she was comfortable and unlikely to feel the pain of death, then a barbiturate overdose to halt her bodily functions. Her labored breathing relaxed and eased under the sedative, and the killing dose took effect quickly once administered. I continued holding, stroking, and praising her until I was sure brain death had also passed so she'd never know I left her.