Anthropomorphized operating systems
Feb. 5th, 2005 04:22 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
misfoksMost of this came to mind last night as I was trying to fall asleep. It's probably another of my "it sounded good at the time, but pretty retarded in retrospect" ideas, but wot the hell.
Apple ][: This is the kid you hung out with while growing up. You played live-action GI Joe with him, explored the woods and caves with him, and usually got sent to the principal's office with him in school. He always had a supply of firecrackers from the next state over, where they were still legal, and when he found that stash of rain-soaked Hustlers he brought them up to your treehouse to giggle over all the boobies with you. By high school you were doing D&D all-nighters with him (he almost always played the berserker in battle), practicing live-steel sparring with the crazy bastard, or jamming to badly mangled Iron Maiden covers in the garage with dreams of making it big on tour someday. The rest of the time he was usually under the hood of his '65 Mustang or drawing tacky underground comics. You lost contact with him eventually after heading off to college; sometimes you wonder whatever became of him.
MSDOS: He started trying to hang out with you and Apple][, but was never anywhere near as much fun. He didn't get most of your jokes, thought the Hustlers was dumb, and never got into D&D because the rules were too complex. You only really let him hang out because his parents bought him cool toys you could play with. He eventually tended to drive economy compacts, and mostly let the shop service them.
Macintosh: You met up with him in high school. He was cool enough, always brought the snacks to your D&D games, usually played clerics or magic users, and tended toward thoughtfully-planned attacks over comically insane suicide assaults. He tried jamming in your garage band once or twice, but keyboard players just weren't rock-n-roll. A pretty good guy overall, but kinda bland. You mostly forgot about him after you left high school. He had a pretty sleek Corvette, but was more concerned about its wax job than anything else. You met his sister Lisa once, who was pretty, conservatively pleasant, and had plans for business school, but you never heard about her again.
Solaris: The ice princess. She acts like she's too good for you and is pretty hard to impress her. But a few korny jokes, some gnu toys as gifts, and her stoic appearance starts to melt. As is often the case, her arrogance mostly is a cover for a few insecurities, but those aren't too hard to assuage either. Though her haughty attitude will never entirely disappear, you find that she can be a solid companion, easily giving back far more into the friendship than she demands once you've put forth the first effort. Her daddy made sure she always had some sort of nice sports car.
MS Windows: The breezy, slick-dressed salesman. He started out selling used cars, and was always efficient at being your best friend for as long as it suited his needs. Any other time you'd be lucky to get efficiently brief acknowledgment of acquaintance in passing. You'd meet up with him if he had something you needed, but never could really trust him. He drives riced-out Civic most of the time, with more stickers and spoilers than actual guts, but has a Jag he uses for meeting with business clients--when it's not in the shop.
Linux: He was at every party in college, usually stoned or plastered. People like hanging out with him because he was fun at parties and always had the good drugs, even if he sometimes got a little pushy with his "C'mon, just take one hit!" He has a habit of being a bit argumentative, and frankly had some pretty odd points of view, but generally he was good natured enough. Just a little odd, and prone to being something of a flake. He's still trying to get a regular job, and usually bums rides off everyone since his '83 Buick still needs a few parts and some more duct tape, but swears someday it's gonna be the hottest thing on the road.
FreeBSD: He reminds you a little of a more mature version of your best friend from high school. Not nearly as balls-out insane, though he does sometimes get a few wacky ideas. Mostly a good companion, always up for intelligent chats or general goofing off. Not too prone to emotional outbursts, though he can be a little stubborn now and then. He's not that picky about what he drives as long as it's not a junker.
OpenBSD: Brusque, arrogant, and a little paranoid, but his antisocial habits can be forgiven once you understand him well enough--he's just one of those people who spent more time in books than socializing. Lots of knowledge in his head if you can take the time to ask the right questions and pry it out of him. Despite his curt demeanor he's a reliable friend and is generally pretty even tempered--but when he does throw a fit, it can be mystifying just what his issue is and what triggered the tantrum. He detests riceboys, but has nothing against genuine performance cars; mostly, as long as it gets him from here to there without glaring mechanical shortcomings, he doesn't care what he drives.
These caricatures are just my perspective of course (so every instance of "you" above really means "me," but it sounded weird phrased in first person), and my biases are pretty obvious. And the list isn't really complete; I should have sections for NetBSD, MacOSX, DragonflyBSD, VMS, and probably that cult Amiga thing, but I didn't spend enough time with any of them to infer personalities, and a SunOS4 section would wind up sounding like a mix of Solaris and FreeBSD and thus kinda boringly repetitive. YMMV, batteries not included, see a doctor if symptoms persist.
Apple ][: This is the kid you hung out with while growing up. You played live-action GI Joe with him, explored the woods and caves with him, and usually got sent to the principal's office with him in school. He always had a supply of firecrackers from the next state over, where they were still legal, and when he found that stash of rain-soaked Hustlers he brought them up to your treehouse to giggle over all the boobies with you. By high school you were doing D&D all-nighters with him (he almost always played the berserker in battle), practicing live-steel sparring with the crazy bastard, or jamming to badly mangled Iron Maiden covers in the garage with dreams of making it big on tour someday. The rest of the time he was usually under the hood of his '65 Mustang or drawing tacky underground comics. You lost contact with him eventually after heading off to college; sometimes you wonder whatever became of him.
MSDOS: He started trying to hang out with you and Apple][, but was never anywhere near as much fun. He didn't get most of your jokes, thought the Hustlers was dumb, and never got into D&D because the rules were too complex. You only really let him hang out because his parents bought him cool toys you could play with. He eventually tended to drive economy compacts, and mostly let the shop service them.
Macintosh: You met up with him in high school. He was cool enough, always brought the snacks to your D&D games, usually played clerics or magic users, and tended toward thoughtfully-planned attacks over comically insane suicide assaults. He tried jamming in your garage band once or twice, but keyboard players just weren't rock-n-roll. A pretty good guy overall, but kinda bland. You mostly forgot about him after you left high school. He had a pretty sleek Corvette, but was more concerned about its wax job than anything else. You met his sister Lisa once, who was pretty, conservatively pleasant, and had plans for business school, but you never heard about her again.
Solaris: The ice princess. She acts like she's too good for you and is pretty hard to impress her. But a few korny jokes, some gnu toys as gifts, and her stoic appearance starts to melt. As is often the case, her arrogance mostly is a cover for a few insecurities, but those aren't too hard to assuage either. Though her haughty attitude will never entirely disappear, you find that she can be a solid companion, easily giving back far more into the friendship than she demands once you've put forth the first effort. Her daddy made sure she always had some sort of nice sports car.
MS Windows: The breezy, slick-dressed salesman. He started out selling used cars, and was always efficient at being your best friend for as long as it suited his needs. Any other time you'd be lucky to get efficiently brief acknowledgment of acquaintance in passing. You'd meet up with him if he had something you needed, but never could really trust him. He drives riced-out Civic most of the time, with more stickers and spoilers than actual guts, but has a Jag he uses for meeting with business clients--when it's not in the shop.
Linux: He was at every party in college, usually stoned or plastered. People like hanging out with him because he was fun at parties and always had the good drugs, even if he sometimes got a little pushy with his "C'mon, just take one hit!" He has a habit of being a bit argumentative, and frankly had some pretty odd points of view, but generally he was good natured enough. Just a little odd, and prone to being something of a flake. He's still trying to get a regular job, and usually bums rides off everyone since his '83 Buick still needs a few parts and some more duct tape, but swears someday it's gonna be the hottest thing on the road.
FreeBSD: He reminds you a little of a more mature version of your best friend from high school. Not nearly as balls-out insane, though he does sometimes get a few wacky ideas. Mostly a good companion, always up for intelligent chats or general goofing off. Not too prone to emotional outbursts, though he can be a little stubborn now and then. He's not that picky about what he drives as long as it's not a junker.
OpenBSD: Brusque, arrogant, and a little paranoid, but his antisocial habits can be forgiven once you understand him well enough--he's just one of those people who spent more time in books than socializing. Lots of knowledge in his head if you can take the time to ask the right questions and pry it out of him. Despite his curt demeanor he's a reliable friend and is generally pretty even tempered--but when he does throw a fit, it can be mystifying just what his issue is and what triggered the tantrum. He detests riceboys, but has nothing against genuine performance cars; mostly, as long as it gets him from here to there without glaring mechanical shortcomings, he doesn't care what he drives.
These caricatures are just my perspective of course (so every instance of "you" above really means "me," but it sounded weird phrased in first person), and my biases are pretty obvious. And the list isn't really complete; I should have sections for NetBSD, MacOSX, DragonflyBSD, VMS, and probably that cult Amiga thing, but I didn't spend enough time with any of them to infer personalities, and a SunOS4 section would wind up sounding like a mix of Solaris and FreeBSD and thus kinda boringly repetitive. YMMV, batteries not included, see a doctor if symptoms persist.
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
no subject
Date: 2005-02-05 07:01 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-02-05 07:17 pm (UTC)This shouldn't surprise you. You know how much I hate anime.
no subject
Date: 2005-02-05 07:36 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-02-05 07:44 pm (UTC)But I still love you! :)
no subject
Date: 2005-02-05 08:54 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-02-05 08:57 pm (UTC)